I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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