I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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