wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
