Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
