$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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