I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
