these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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