If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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