if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize