No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
