I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
