No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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