she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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