We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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