I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
