In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
