I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
