I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
