well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
