Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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