Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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