her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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