Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
