I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
