I'm pants shitting drunk right now
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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