ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
