i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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