You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dicks are not precious.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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