I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
