FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize