he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize