help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
