Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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