I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's the barista slut.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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