dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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