You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
