i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
