So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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