matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize