Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
