He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize