I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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