never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize