dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
