I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
