Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize