I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
