it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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