About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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