i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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