I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
