white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
