so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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