I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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