He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize