I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
