He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
