You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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