I like my sex mixed with concussions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize