Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
