You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
