you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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