Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
