Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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