yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
