she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
